by: Leonard Lambert • 35
I'm a panhandler, but this is not a scam; all will become crystal clear as you read on.
When you buy a bag of chips, the bag is half full, but you buy it anyway. You're paying for something; what is IT?
Those 9/10ths on the gas station price signs never change. You aren't fooled, yet you chose to buy what was being sold; what is IT?
When you buy a bottle of water priced more than a soda, and the water is the same municipal water that's used in soda, you paid extra for something; what is IT?
We all know we're getting ripped off by product manufacturers every time we buy something. Rarely is there a good deal, and never do you get your money's worth. Those extra dollars and cents just slip right through our fingers night and day, but we still give them away.
So, here's my pitch. I want to sell you some IT. But it's good IT. Normally when you drop money in a panhandler's unwashed hand you do so because it makes you feel good. And that's the benefit of buying the IT I'm selling - you'll know you did a good thing. Plus you'll get an app that has a few interesting functions... so you aren't really losing anything. You're just buying more IT, and feeling good about being helpful.
You're probably wondering if I am a worthy cause. I'll spare you the hard-luck story that led me to panhandling... and NOT having to listen to the story is worth a buck right there... but trust me when I say that when you buy a
product from me, your money isn't going to contribute to a substance abuse problem or to support a slacker who won't work for a living.
I'm a non-hedonistic, clean-cut software engineer with a family, working hard to put the Fortune into a Fortune 100 company. But I still live paycheck to paycheck. None of that Fortune comes my way.
I have big dreams of making the world a better place, and running the rat race is preventing me from doing so!
When I buy a lottery ticket, I dream of doing socially responsible things like purchasing land to expand the nature parks I so dearly love, and obtaining freedom to innovate - to bring to light all the creative ideas that I have day in and day out. But the next day when I look at my losing ticket, I realize I've bought more of IT.
How can I possibly make a difference in the world? I can do it with your help.
I think you'll feel good about buying my app. You are a contributor that will give me the freedom to act as an agent of good in the world. It's like losing the lottery but choosing who wins. Entrust your spare change to a person who will forever appreciate what you have done.
Heck, I can't even give my pocket change to my own children and get appreciation, they don't love me for less than a ten-spot. This is a great deal!
To say 'Thank You' for helping me I wrote you an app to put a little light in your life.
Feature 1: Feel-good inspirational quotes, refreshed every 15 seconds from a list of hundreds.
Feature 2: I wanted to send you a "good vibe" whenever you might be down and in need of an emotional boost, so I used the phone's vibrator feature to make one available to you at the touch of a button any time you need it.
Instead of just turning on the vibrator to give you that vibe, I tied the vibrator to the phone's magnetometer (the device in your phone that senses the Earth's magnetic field).
The good vibrations come from fluctuations in the magnetometer amplified by the vibrator. You can tune in to the Earth's magnetic field and allow the energy to flow into you.
Even if you hold the phone motionless in your hand your heartbeat will still move the phone ever so slightly, sending an oscillation into Earth's magnetic field. Could this tiny ripple become significant? Remember the concept of the Butterfly Effect? Or, Oh No, 2012! ;)
I thank you for sticking with me this far, I know it was a lot to read. And I thank you in advance for helping me, I truly appreciate your kindness.
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