Golf Jokes

Golf Jokes

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In the "Golf Jokes" guide, you will discover 211 golf jokes and sayings for you, your friends and golfing partners!

Here's a few of those jokes:

2. Religious Golf Battle
The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon
Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr.
Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you
to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in
his life.
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll
make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it
was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed
to play.
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his
success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."

4. This is my First Golf Lesson
The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.
"Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?'' she asked the instructor.
"P-u-t-t is correct,'' he replied.
"Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to
do the same thing."

9. An Engineer, Doctor, and Pastor Golfing
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow
group of golfers.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. [dramatic
pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they?
George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.
The group was silent for a moment.
Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if
there's anything he can do for them.
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

10. Slow golfers are ahead of us
Joe decides to take his boss Phil to play 9 holes on their lunch. While both men are playing excellent they are often held up by two women in front of them moving at a very slow pace. Joe offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit.
He gets about half of the way there stops and jogs back.
His boss asks what the problem is. "Well one of those women is my wife and the other my mistress," complained Joe. Phil just shook his head at Joe and started toward the women determined to finish his round of golf. Preparing to ask the ladies to speed up their game, he too stopped short and turned around.
Joe asked "what's wrong?" It's a small, small world Joe, and you're fired!!!"

11. What will you do for Golf?
Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued:
First Guy: "Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next
weekend."
Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."
Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."
They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be
able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"
Fourth Guy: "I don't want to talk about it. Let's just say that the foundation for the new house is being poured next Tuesday."

Tags: golf jokes for men, golf jokes of the day, golf jokes.

Comments and ratings for Golf Jokes
  • (48 stars)

    by A Google User on 27/04/2012

    Not horrible, but the jokes are lame!