Drink and Drugs Jokes




    Over 1100 jokes and witty remarks about alcohol and drugs. Send to your friends via email and SMS.

    *Think you’re funnier; then submit your own jokes for inclusion in the app and get the credit too.

    *Warning, these jokes contain swearing and topics of an adult nature and as such are intended only for grown ups. Please do not download if you easily offend you will only get upset*

    *New jokes added weekly
    *Submit your own joke for inclusion in the app.
    *Move to SD card (android 2.2+ only.)
    *This app will remember were you are up to even if you turn off your phone or update the app
    *Share with SMS/Email
    *Random joke button
    *Hold the left arrow to go back to the start
    *Hold the right arrow to go to the end
    *Link to developer’s other apps in the market
    *Change the size of the text
    *Change the color of the text
    *Change the style of the text
    *Change the background
    *Rate the app

    Examples of what's inside (jokes are not censored in the app):

    "I hate people who take drugs...
    Such as Policemen, Customs Officers, etc..."

    1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
    2. Nope, no more booze for me!
    3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
    4. Donner kebab? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
    5. ..."

    "Beer vs. Vagina
    1.Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work.
    One point to BEER
    2.Warm beer tastes awful.
    One point to VAGINA
    3.A really cold beer is satisfying.
    One point to BEER
    4.If after taking a swig of your favourite beer you find a hair between your teeth, you may vomit.
    One point to VAGINA
    5. ..."

    "My local's rough as anything. I went to the pub quiz the other night.
    First question was, "What the f**k are YOU looking at?""

    "An 'alcoholic' on the Jeremy Kyle Show just admitted to drinking 'eight or nine cans a day.'

    F*****g p***y, I can drink that in four hours."

    Appsolutely Fabulous, takes no responsibility, for the content of this app. None of the jokes were written by anyone at Appsolutely Fabulous, they were all either sourced form the internet or sent in by the users of this app. We accept no blame for any offence caused, care has been taken to remove offensive jokes, however it you are offended by any of the jokes please report them to us via the app and we will consider the joke for removal.

    Tags: alcohol and drug jokes , alcohol humor , yolo sex jokes , drugs jokes , drugs and alcohol , drugs and alcohol jokes , drug jokes humor , adults pub jokes , drinking joke cards

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